One lovely afternoon, a big city businessman decides to take his lunch break outside in a nearby park. He walks up to a little bench, places his briefcase next to him and opens his sack lunch. He pulls out a sandwich and opens wide for his first bite.
Just before he bites the sandwich, he notices a pigeon. It flies up to him and stares at the sandwich with its big beady eyes. It tilts its head and blinks. The businessman looks nervously at his sandwich and then back at the pigeon. The pigeon licks it beak.
Suddenly, the pigeon attacks like a pitbull, latching onto the sandwich. The businessman tries to yank the sandwich away, but the pigeon WILL NOT LET GO!
A tug-of-war ensues between a grown man and a small, but voracious pigeon. The business man tries with all his strength to pull his sandwich free...but he is overpowered and falls to the ground. The pigeon swallows the sandwich and looks down at him. It hops closer to him as he lays on the ground.
The businessman feels around in his jacket for something else to give the pigeon so it won't eat him alive. He reaches inside his jacket and pulls out an Alka-Seltzer tablet. He looks at the pigeon. It licks its beak again. The businessman smiles, rips off the wrapper like he's pulling the pin of a grenade and chucks the Alka-Seltzer far away. He then curls up in a ball to protect himself.
The pigeon hops off the bench, flies over, and eats the Alka-Seltzer. It then inflates, it's body growing like a balloon. The camera cuts back to the man. We hear a loud explosion, a bright flash, and a puff of feathers. He lifts up his head and it cuts back to the bird. All that is left are two smoking pigeon legs surrounded by a charred black blast radius.
The businessman dusts himself off and sits back down on the bench. He has a smug grin as he pulls out a cookie from his brown paper sack. He smells it, feeling quite proud of his victory. He suddenly hears the cooing sounds of hundreds of pigeons. He opens his eyes to see a large group of pigeons staring at the cookie he now holds.
The camera cuts back to the businessman who gulps.
THE END
Great idea Garrett and Wesley. It's funny, it's short, and it's based on something a lot of people can relate to. A few notes: first, in regards to the pigeon, make sure it behaves like a pigeon. John Lasseter says always be true to the material. Pigeons don't lick their beaks. Now, that's not a bad idea, but have him do something that seems more like a real pigeon. For example, maybe have him snap his beak, or peck at the sandwich instead. Second, make sure that your characters are defined. What are this man's mannerisms? Is he shy? Is he mean? Is he cunning? Who is he? I know he's a businessman in the big city, but is he like a little man in a big city, or a big hotshot in the city? Think of these things when you solidify your characters. Even in Gobelins shorts that last for 30 seconds, you have well established characters. Third, try and see if you can pitch this idea in 25 words or less. Steven Spielberg says that if it can be summed up in 25 words or less, it's a great story. For example, a great white shark terrorizes a peaceful east coast resort town during the summertime (Jaws) or a paranoid general launches a nuclear attack against the Soviet Union in a parody of the Cold War (Dr. Strangelove) or a living marionette embarks on a fantastic journey to become a real boy (Pinocchio). Fourth, I don't buy the whole concept of this pigeon wanting to eat the guy. If you're going to run with that, go ahead, but make sure you really clarify this in your short. maybe devote a 3-5 second flash animation piece to that like in Oktopodi. Really think about how the characters react to each other, to the situations, etc. You want defined characters so you can create appealing animation. Wesley, before you board this, write down the motivations, and the mannerisms of these characters so you know how to get everything from point A to point B.
ReplyDeleteHey James! Hope all is goin' well for ya!
DeleteThanks for the feedback,
I would summarize the story as such: "A simple businessman is looking to enjoy lunch in the park but is terrorized by a suprisingly voracious pigeon."
I guess I agree with the licking of the beak. Pigeons obviously don't do that, but I thought it'd be kinda funny.
To further define the characters, the businessman doesn't like pigeons or mooching of any kind. When the pigeon lands and looks at him, his first instinct is not to share and he scoots farther down the bench away from it. When the bird latches onto his sandwich, he wrestles with it rather than breaking of a piece of his sandwich for the bird. When he's overpowered, he counters by exploding it with the Alka-Seltzer. So, with that in mind, I'd say he's probably a tight wad, maybe even a little OCD. He counts his pennies, and is most likely prudently invested. He's certainly not a bigshot or a little man in a big city. He's in between. He's important enough to have an ego, but not important enough to show it in his mannerisms. He's just...a suit. One of the hundreds or thousands who take the subway every morning in New York. However, he does consider himself lord of his cubicle, which is why he feels he is superior over this humble little pigeon. He's also intelligent, which we see from the stunt with the Alka-Seltzer. He puts it together that it will explode the pigeon.
The pigeon is an unstoppable force of nature. Alyssa and I thought of it as the flock of seagulls from Finding Nemo. They see something, say "mine" and then swarm. No emotion, just instinct. That's what this pigeon does. It sees food and then pounces. Depending on what Alyssa does with her final design, it will hopefully have an emotionless, blank, stupid looking expression and it will just advance...and advance...unstoppable...like a zombie hoard. The audience should laugh and think at first, "Aww...a pigeon." Then, when it latches on they should think, "AAH! A PIGEON!" When the bird latches onto the sandwich, I always saw it as either a tug of war or like a pit bull latched onto someone's arm, dangling. Maybe it'd be funny to do that and have growling noises (and yes, I know pigeons don't growl!) While the businessman is perhaps at fault for not sharing, I think it's important that we convey that there is something unnatural about this rather voracious pigeon. It's unusually strong and it will devour all the food he has unless he stops it.
So, that's all I can think of for now. Hopefully that helps...?
Let's see......good idea with the character. I like him how you make him kind of a tightwad like Mr. Huff in "The Incredibles", but make sure to show that in the animation. Have him smile only when he is about to eat the sandwich and when he blows the pigeon up. His design makes him look too nice, so you're going to have to work with his face quite a bit during animation and story boarding.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the growling, what if you had the main character growling instead of the pigeon? Or both? I also like how the pigeon is simply instinct. My advice: watch Wallace and Gromit to get the acting down, particularly "The Wrong Trousers". That penguin has no facial expressions or dialogue but his character is very easy to identify.
Now remember as well, that this is only 30 seconds long so simplify. Oftentimes the simplest solution is the best one. You will need to cram a few things together like the establishment of characters for instance. For example, during the struggle over the sandwich, show what kind of personalities these characters are. For the pigeon, I would suggest giving him no real expression. For your main character, I would suggest he look indignant and of course frustrated. He should be offended at even the thought that this pigeon could take his sandwich.